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8.22 Swell Harmony: "These slayers hacked, burned, and blew up millions of fluffy stuffed kitties! And why? Because they had tiny little fangs! They hate us so much they're killing toys now." Larry King: "Well, that's just mean." Synopsis: The slayers in Tokyo, led by Satsu, are tracking down a huge monster that has ripped off an armored car. Kennedy drops in (literally, by parachute) to check up on them. The monster ripped off a small bag labeled "Santorio Corp." that contains a small stuffed animal toy: a white vampire kitten. It's a prototype of a new toy called "Vampy Cat" due to hit the stores next week, which explains why it was in an armored car, I suppose. Satsu and Kennedy take down the monster and take the Vampy Cat back to the slayer lair. Night. Quiet. Vampy Cat is sitting on a bench. Vampy Cat moves. Vampy Cat checks out the slayer lair. Vampy Cat pulls itself up on Satsu's bed, where Satsu is sleeping. The next morning, Kennedy notices that Satsu is not herself. Satsu is talking about giving up girls, kissing boys and having babies, and leaving the slayer life behind because slayers are so evil. Kennedy tries to take Satsu to a local witch and Satsu responds with slayer moves. Big Satsu/Kennedy fight, with Satsu's eyes turning red. A big blow on Kennedy's part knocks a gross-looking, vomit-covered and still aggressive Vampy Cat right out of Satsu's mouth. Yech. Satsu slices and dices it with a handy sword. She's herself again, furious, hitting the mouthwash, and ready for payback. Kennedy, Satsu and a slayer contingent helicopter to the Santorio Corp. They take out the crumbly guy with red eyes who sent the monster, and hitting the computers, they learn that vampy cat toys just went global, and a half a million of them are on a ship headed for Scotland. Which is why the vampy cat had taken Satsu -- to find out where Buffy was. On the ship, Satsu and Kennedy are attacked by lots of red-eyed, long-toothed vampy cats and red-eyed, crumbly-looking guys. A head vampy cat, growing absolutely huge and looking like a panda on acid pretending to be the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, spouts a lot of misogynistic, slayer-hating crap. It says, "We are the Swell! We are legion!" The Swell work for Twilight. Satsu makes vampy cats into chopped up stuffing while Kennedy kicks butt. Vampy cats try to get down their throats. Kennedy sends up a flare. A waiting submarine staffed by slayers torpedoes the ship, and Kennedy and Satsu hit the water as the ship and the huge vampy cat explode. Kennedy and Satsu report to Buffy and Xander electronically. Buffy instructs the slayers to stay low profile, act human. Public opinion is currently in favor of those harmless, fun vampires and against the slayers. Clip of Harmony on Larry King talking about how persecuted vampires are. Satsu throws the cinnamon lip gloss (metaphor for her fling with Buffy) in the trash as she leaves the Tokyo slayer lair with Kennedy. Time to move on. Review: This is the third stand-alone issue in a row, and the second centered around minor characters. I hope this isn't a trend. Although it wasn't bad, for an issue about two minor characters I care nothing about. Twilight is not only a slayer-hater, he's a homophobe and a misogynist. Even though Twilight doesn't appear, the vampy cats (or Swell, or whatever) were his creatures, and there was a disturbing woman-hating, gay-hating theme. I did think it was fun to base an issue around two lesbian slayers. Although at this point, I'm more interested in what's going on with the Scoobies as well as the slayers in Scotland. Dare I hope that Kennedy is interested in Satsu? I'd love it if Kennedy were interested in Satsu. Probably not. Sigh. Bits and pieces: -- At one point, Satsu said, "Buffy sends the other lesbian slayer to check up on me, and I'm the one you're yelling at?" I'm assuming that with a couple of thousand slayers in the world, more than two of them are lesbians. -- Apparently, Satsu acquired a submarine because some vamps took it from the Koreans and she took it from the vamps. I'm sure the submarine will be back later, since we were told about it so pointedly. Quotes: Satsu: "If Buffy wants to review my ass, she can do it herself. Won't be the first time." Kennedy: "Don't be a brat, Slinky. That's my profession, and I don't like amateurs crowding me." Slayer: "Ducking is just as important as the hitting, Ayumi. More. Duck, don't get hit." Ayumi: "That thing had four arms! I ducked the first three!" Kennedy: "Oh, my god! What the hell are you wearing?!" Satsu: "It's a furisode! Girls wear them when they come of age to show they're single and available for marriage. My parents bought it for me, before I destroyed them with my gayness. Ah, they were so right! The whole kissing girls thing? Blechh! Girls should kiss boys and have their babies!" Kennedy: "I don't know what the geisha's gotten into you, but may we oughta mosey down to your resident witch and--" Satsu: "Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty slayer!" Ah, Planet of the Apes. You live forever. Vampy Cat: "Attack, my brothers! Eat their #%&@ing ovaries!" Buffy: "All the vampy cat shipments have been destroyed, along with the factory they spawned from. But--" Satsu: "There's a but?" Xander: "Big buts come with the slayer territory these days and I probably should have reviewed that sentence before unleashing it on the sensitive womenfolk." Kennedy: "Not the hey-guess-what?-you-turned-me-gay speech you were probably hoping for, huh?" A bit better than "Harmonic Divergence," Billie View all comments or post a comment. |
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