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2.9 What's My Line (I)

Buffy: "Do I like shrubs?"
Xander: "That's between you and your God."

This episode, while not all that great, is exceptionally witty.

When the gang take career placement tests, Buffy realizes that not only does she have no life, she also has no future -- except possibly in law enforcement. In the meantime, a testy Spike sends the Order of Taraka to assassinate Buffy, while simultaneously trying to cure Drusilla with a mystical cross and a codebook.

The Scoobies are matched perfectly with their prospective careers: Xander as a prison guard, Cordelia as a personal shopper and motivational speaker (how about office assistant to a vampire detective?), and Buffy, of course, as a cop. While Willow and Oz finally, actually meet as the only two students recruited by a "major software company."

Meanwhile, on the Buffy/Angel romance front, check out the two of them checking out each other's bedrooms. Angel is so enamored that he actually fondles Mr. Gordo (he did! I saw him) and he even indulges Buffy in her love of figure skating. (And doesn't Sarah Michelle Gellar look good on those skates?)

Buffy kisses her "cradle-robbing creature of the night boyfriend" while he is in vamp face. (The teeth must have been uncomfortable for both of them.) This was undoubtedly written so that Kendra would immediately assume Buffy was in league with the vamps. The Order of Taraka includes humans, probably because it was good from a writing standpoint to make it look as if Kendra was one of them. Was the assassin that attacked Buffy at the ice rink a human? If so, did Buffy kill a human for the first time?

Bits and pieces:

-- This episode introduces Kendra the Vampire Slayer. It also introduces Willy the barkeep snitch, sleazoid extraordinaire.

-- Those books Giles carried must have been glued together.

-- Both "slayed" and "slew" are correct, according to Giles... but not according to my word processing spellchecker.

-- Dalton the vampire in glasses is like a vampire version of Giles.

-- Buffy used to have a shrine to Dorothy Hamill.

-- Spike quotes "My Fair Lady."

-- The group is referred to as the Scooby Gang for the first time.

Quotable quotes: (and wow, there are a lot of them)

Xander: "Principal Snyder. Great career fair, sir. Really. In fact, I'm so inspired by your leadership, I'm thinking principal school. I wanna walk in your shoes. Not your actual shoes, of course, because you're a tiny person. Not tiny in the small sense, of course. Okay, I'm done now."

Snyder: "It's worth nothing, Harris. Whatever comes out of your mouth is a meaningless waste of breath. An airborne toxic event."
Xander: "Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to be so honest with me. And I can only hope that one day I'm in the position to be that honest with you."

Xander: "What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark."
Willow: "You're not gonna be young forever."
Xander: "Yes, but I'll always be stupid."

Buffy: "Well, I'll just jump off that bridge when I come to it."

Cordelia: "'I aspire to help my fellow man.' Check. As long as he's not smelly, dirty or something gross."
Xander: "Cordelia Chase, always ready to give a helping hand to the rich and the pretty."
Cordelia: "Which, lucky me, excludes you. Twice."
Xander: "Is murder always a crime?"

Willow: "Angel ice-skating."
Buffy: "I know. Two worlds collide."

Giles: "It's a reliquary. Used to house items of religious significance. Most commonly a finger or some other body part from a saint."
Buffy: "Note to self. Religion: freaky."

Giles: "You remember the book that was stolen from the library by a vampire a few weeks ago?"
Buffy: "Yeah."
Giles: "It was written by Du Lac. Damn it! I let it slip my mind with all the excitement."
Buffy: "I'm guessing it wasn't a 'Taste of the Vatican' cookbook."

Giles: "This article describes an invention of his, which he called 'The Du Lac Cross'."
Xander: "So, why go to all the trouble of inventing something, and then giving it a weak name like that? I mean, I'da gone with 'The Cross-o-matic', or 'The Amazing Mr. Cross'."

Giles: "This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Taraka. It's a society of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon."
Xander: "And didn't they beat the Elks this year in the Sunnydale adult bowling league championships?"
Giles: "Their credo is to sow discord and kill the unwary."
Xander: "Bowling is a vicious game."

Giles: "Well, maybe Buffy unplugged the phone."
Xander: "No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen-year-old girl to unplug her phone."

Cordelia: "I can't even believe you. You dragged me out of bed for a ride? What am I, mass transportation?"
Xander: "That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker room talk. I wouldn't pay it any mind."
Cordelia: "Oh, great, so now I'm your taxi and your punching bag."
Xander: "I like to think of you more as my witless foil, but have it your way."

Two out of four stakes,

Billie





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